In the News...

Today, famous rock star turned fugly glasses supermodel was awarded honorary knighthood by the Queen of England, which is kinda cool I guess since he did use his time to help peoples an' stuff, I guess he deserves to be a knight and ride on a horse with a sword, I rode on a horse once but I was so fat that I broke its back, and thats when I joined Jenny Craig and I hoped I would meet hot chicks there but then I had to quit when I was evicted from San Francisco cos I hated Rice-a-Roni and then I thought about changing my mind and eating the horrid stuff but then I was abducted my an animal liberation group that thought I was a Yeti cos of my hairy feet, in fact my feet are so hairy that I had to shave them once a day until I got a really bad toe infection and they had to remove my toe hair follicles and it turned out it wasn't an infection but rather a large infestation of weevils, they let me keep one of them so I adopted it and named it Jack, and I put him in a big jar but then I accidentally left the jar out in the sun when I went to the dentist, and I got distracted at the dentist cos this really pretty hygienist fainted when she touched the worms in my mole, and I had to give her mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, so that started out fun, and when she woke she ran around screaming until the police came but by that time I had sneaked out the back door and I was on my way to to feed my weevil but I ran into a signpost and it was frozen and my tongue got stuck and I had to wait there until a fire truck came along to release me, and while I was standing there a dog peed on my pants.

I was so not happy about that.

It made me sad.

It makes me sad just thinking about it. I liked those pants. ='(